Every time I approach my writing device with the intention of writing about something I try to hide in real life, or have trouble talking about, I get second thoughts. I feel like I’m exposing too much in a place where I shouldn’t. But then again, this is my platform where I share my creations, my cooking, my writings, my photography, my emotions. Every time I hold myself back, I remember the words of Neil Gaiman,

The moment that you feel that just possibly you’re walking down the street naked exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that’s the moment you may be starting to get it right

 I already shared some posts that give hints of how I am feeling at the time of writing, but I don’t reveal much. And I still won’t. Just bits and pieces. This is like my online diary. I will look back at it and remember what was happening with each post and how I felt during that period.

Pancakes have always had a special room on Cookin5m2. I’ve had them on the good days, had them on the bad days. The end result only varied depending on how I felt. It dawned on me lately that the result of my pancakes is a valid method to evaluate my emotional stability. Whenever I’m feeling bad, down, and having crappy days, my pancakes would turn out flat, tasteless, and hard. Unlike when I’m feeling okay, I’d get fluffy tasty pancakes with perfect color and shape.

In the past month and a half, I have been going through a rough emotional path, and that affected my blog, my cooking, and my pancakes. Waking up with no motivation to do anything but listening to Lana Del Rey all day, visiting the couch before going back to bed and hugging my teddy bear, watching series to distract my brain a bit only to find myself unlocking my phone and playing a game at the same time, and occasionally visiting the kitchen to make myself a lame a sandwich. Several hours staring at the ceiling, that’s what I decided to call my cellphone, and Lana on repeat, and destructive passing thoughts. I had to go hard on myself a bit and take some actions on my own to help myself up again and make pancakes right. I ruined many batches, again, and also had to eat them because I didn’t have the will to go back to the kitchen and whip up something else.

One morning, I woke up, late as usual, with the intention of trying a pancakes recipe again. I mixed Lotus caramel biscuit spread with the warm milk before mixing it into the dry ingredients and folding more crumbled biscuits. A dollop of warm salted caramel on top of the golden pancakes was all that was missing. That’s how I knew I was starting to feel better.

Caramel Biscuit Pancakes

Makes 6 pancakes

Ingredients

• 1 cup flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 cup milk (warmed)
• 2 tablespoons Lotus biscuit spread
• 2 tablespoons coconut oil
• 1 egg
• 4 Lotus biscuits (more for topping)
• Toppings: Caramel sauce, Lotus biscuits, butter, honey, agave,…

Procedure

• Sift the flour and baking powder into a medium bowl. Add the sugar and salt and whisk
• In a large bowl, add the warm milk to the biscuit spread and whisk well until dissolved. Add the oil and egg, making sure the mixture is not too hot to cook the egg instantly, and whisk until combined
• Add the dry ingredients gradually and fold to mix. Do not over-mix. Fold until all the dry ingredients are coated and wet. Small lumps are fine
• Heat a large flat pan and wipe with a paper towel dipped in oil to barely coat the pan. Once it is hot, turn the heat to medium and scoop 2-3 tablespoons of the mix onto the pan. Cook until golden brown, 2-3 minutes depending on the heat. If it is too hot, they will brown without cooking properly. Turn the heat down. If they’re taking too long to cook and turn golden, turn the heat back up a bit. Find the balance in there
• Serve immediately, or save in a warm oven till you’re done with the whole batch. Top with whatever your heart goes for. CARAMEL, mine yelled